How DO you mend a broken heart? A crushed soul? A devastated mind? I’m not sure and I sincerely wish I didn’t have to find out.
Our beautiful son, Mike, passed away from this world into God’s loving arms on March 15th…leaving us all in shock, disbelief and tremendous sorrow. My husband and I knew, due to Mike’s health circumstances, that he would not outlive us – but we never saw his death as imminent.
Mike was diagnosed with schizophrenia in late adolescence. Back in those days, (1996 ish) we knew our boy’s behaviour was, at times, “out there”, but we really didn’t know what we were dealing with. Countless physicians and psychiatrists and psychologists appointments later (and I really mean countless), Mike was finally diagnosed with the severe mental illness of schizophrenia. Initially, there was overwhelming relief at finally knowing what was plaguing our troubled teenaged boy.
We had no idea what was to come – what Mike would have to endure in his short life. Blister paks of daily medications, painful monthly injections and endless doctor’s appointments, which he gracefully learned to accept. We never failed to tell him how much we loved him and appreciated the fact that he took such good care of himself. But, as one might expect, the glut of meds took their toll over the past 21 years. His body was unfairly ravaged. Mental illness is the quintessential unseen thief
We were blessed to have our son for 38 years. We are missing him so profoundly that it’s difficult to really take it all in. A month and a half after his passing, I’m still in disbelief that he is gone…that he will never again set foot in our home, that he will never again sit in his chair for Sunday dinner, that he will never again phone me to talk after a Blue Jays baseball game. I will never again see his smiling face and waving hand when meeting him at his favourite restaurant (Swiss Chalet) for lunch, or at the theatre for a movie or at Co-Op to pick-up some groceries. That, is the true heartbreak.
I am a spiritual person and always have been. We know that our sweet and gentle Mike is resting in peace, that his pain has been retired and his struggle has mercifully ended. We also know that our souls will mesh again with his when we leave this life. What we don’t know is how to truly live life now that he’s gone.